I established myself as a master of my daughter’s life and expected her to follow my rules,
I decided all the important life lessons that she did not get in school.
My hands were around her shoulders pulling her next to my side.
I could not let her fail; it was a poor reflection on a mother’s pride.
I felt her pull away; I tightened my grip making it more secure,
Too scared to have her walk naively unprepared through the wrong door.
This struggle for control went on for years as we walked side by side,
Until one day I realized my error, I was not her master but just a life guide.
With regret, I looked at the years lost in quarrels trying to prove each other wrong.
When I could have accepted just holding her hand instead of tugging her along.
It was my fear and ego that didn’t allow her to make simple mistakes.
I didn’t allow her the wisdom to test what promises she could break.
I let her grow up sheltered, my pretty fragile orchid in a glass jar,
Too afraid to let her depend on the strength of her leaves, she watched life from afar.
It was difficult to believe that her inner compass could work without me overseeing,
I had let go and to have faith that her destiny would be moulding her into being.
After years of dragging her along my life path, I could not comprehend,
When I finally gave her the freedom, why she was trailing at the tail end.
I couldn’t understand how she was helpless when I allowed her to plot her chart,
Alas, now I realized that I had never given her the tools nor the skills to carve her own path.
All I can do is hold my daughter’s hand and illuminate her way, her purpose is hers to see.
I can’t impose my life ambitions and expectations on her unique life journey.
My daughter is not my trophy, she has a journey of her own,
Her failures are not a reflection on me, she is here to me on loan.
Ashnie Muthusamy ©
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